Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire

Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire Nigel Mullet a year old vampire doomed to spend eternity in the body of a socially awkward fifteen year old boy records his attempts to impress the love of his life Chloe while battling an emb

  • Title: Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire
  • Author: Tim Collins Andrew Pinder
  • ISBN: null
  • Page: 182
  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • Nigel Mullet, a 100 year old vampire doomed to spend eternity in the body of a socially awkward fifteen year old boy, records his attempts to impress the love of his life, Chloe, while battling an embarrassingly overwhelming desire to sink his fangs into her.Diary of a Wimpy Kid meets Twilight in this hilarious and sweet story

    One thought on “Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire”

    1. Won this through the Giveaways.This was a seriously entertaining and funny book and I demolished it in one evening, it was that good. Just think of all the suave and dashing vampires you can think of from the Count himself to the Cullens in all their mesmerising glory, then think of the complete opposite and you have Nigel Mullet. Nigel was turned into a vampire at 15 and as he approaches his 100 birthday his well matured teen angst goes into over-drive as he tries to deal with very embarrassin [...]

    2. I'm planning on making this short: it was funny and a different read. Over a lot of years I was recommended this due to my strong love for the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series (you're never too old to read children books, don't judge!). I was slightly annoyed by the writer who was constantly complaining about how hard it is to be him and how much he loved Chloe and how he wanted to profess his love for her. It was very childish and I was very frustrated. I mean, he's suppose to be something like a hu [...]

    3. Actual rating: 4.5Okay I LOVED this book!! I cannot help but think no believe, that Tim Collins was totally making fun of Twilight with this book. And that is why I liked it! Nigel (our utterly lame vampire) is so brooding and depressive, I couldn't help but chuckle at Collins' obvious jab at Edward Cullen. Because of the blatant making fun of Edward, I was laughing and chuckling through most of this book. Not only does the poking fun of Twilight make this book fantastic, but the writing is real [...]

    4. A very simple book and a quick read. It managed to make me laugh out loud and I found some of the double entendre to be hilarious - a very fun book for the most part. Very easy to read and humorous.

    5. Nigel Mullet is nothing like the beautiful, sparkly vampires we've all become so accustomed to. He doesn't dazzle anyone with one smouldering look, he's not a smooth talker and he certainly doesn't possess any cool vampire abilities. He's a normal 100-year-old vampire forever trapped in a 15-year-old's body, and he's bored. Very bored. That is, until he meets Chloe - love of his life and the object of his eternal affection. Then begins a quest to make her his girlfriend, which is both hilarious [...]

    6. One of the many sweet poems a sensitive vampire wrote for his belovedI WAIT IN ETERNAL PAINWith your neck so long and blood so sweetLife without you is incompleteHow I long to stick my fangs in your veinInstead I wait in eternal painA funny and brilliant satire on vampires, absolutely loved it! :D

    7. 3.5 stars.The Story:Nigel Mullet, a nearly 100 years old vampire who was stuck eternally in the body of a 15 years old school boy, was doomed to go to highschool repeatedly for the rest of eternity because he would never age. Lacking vampiric beauty and strength, Nigel always felt like an outsider even in his own vampiric family. One of his greatest miseries is that in the past 80 years, Nigel never managed to find himself a girlfriend. Will his misery end with the arrival of a new girl student, [...]

    8. *** 3,5 Sterne *** Es war sehr süß und hat für ein paar unterhaltsame Momente gesorgt :) Dadurch, dass es eben als Tagebuch geschrieben war, gab es auch kaum langatmigen Szenen. Zum Schluss hätte ich mir gewünscht, dass es doch noch ein bisschen weiterging, denn ich hätte schon gerne gewusst, wie sich Eddy nun bei seinem größten Wunsch gefühlt hat, aber man kann es sich ja auch eigentlich denken. Definitiv etwas für junge Leser die gerade voll im Vampirwahn sind oder damit beginnen wo [...]

    9. Just imagine someone writing 'The Wimpy Kids Diary' with a bad drawing and a less sen sense of humor! that what this book is! I was thinking of buying this series the day before yesterday but glad saved up my money reading it in epub format! This vampire is not just wimpy enough!

    10. Até que me diverti a ler este livro. Para ser muito sincera no início estava a achar o livro um pouco seca e pensei em parar mas com o decorrer das páginas começou a melhorar e acabei por gostar. E não é que o final até me surpreendeu!!? Mas amanhã, ou melhor hoje, irei contar-vos um pouco mais do que achei no blog: gothicclare

    11. The writing seemed like it was very much geared towards a child but there were quite a few innuendos about porn and a brief mention of self harm and insomnia so it’s quite hard to pick what age range this should be for. I knew going into this it would be a book that was so bad it was almost good and it truly was. It’s very easy to read so you can finish it in a day if you wanted.

    12. Pernah denger tentang vampir kan? Serem memang, tapi yang ini beda!Jangan juga mikir vampir ganteng yang kayak di buku-buku yang marak beredar ya :DIni vampir muda, yang waktu dia jadi vampir umurnya baru 15 tahun, kebayangkan gimana curhatan cowok ABG umur segitu, kebanyakan tentang cinta.Gimana ya rasanya kejatuhan cinta seorang vampir?Cowo vampir tengil ini mengisahkan semua kisah hidupnya dalam lembar-lembar kertas dalam buku hariannya, secara lucu dan menarik sekali. Dari mulai bagaimana di [...]

    13. Nigel Mullet is a sorry excuse for a vampire. He does not have any of the skills you're supposed to have as a vampire. He's not fast, strong or possesses any unearthly beauty, he is stuck in a fifteen-year-old boys body for the rest of his unmortal life. He's even too weak to hunt for blood so his parents have to get him his food. He is in love with a girl in his school and gets more and more frustrated that he can't confess his love to her and when other boys get closer to her than he does. For [...]

    14. Originally posted at WorthlessWordsI read this book for 2 reasons. (1) Out of curiosity, I've never heard of a wimpy vampire before and I never thought it could be possible for a vampire to be wimpy (don't worry, the author explains why he's wimpy). And (2) because I couldn't read anything else, I just finished reading The Lover's Dictionary and I couldn't find a book to read so I randomly picked this. Believe it or not, I still play eenie-meenie with any thing that I can't decide on and I used [...]

    15. A co-worker gave me this book to read because he knew I wrote a book that had a vampire in it. That's what happens. Vampires begat vampires and all that. I could tell right away from the cover that this was a book for pre-teens, and though I thanked him for undoubtedly noting my youthful spirit, I looked at the book rather skeptically. Would people look at me weird if they saw me reading this on my commute? For sure. And they did. But not because of the book cover, which I tried to keep discre [...]

    16. Beware of spoilersThis book was such a fun read. I love the quirky, snarky attitude and the doodles. I read this book in one sitting. The diary format allowed the book to flow, but you could dip in and out of it with ease.Nigel is a typical teenage boy, who is bored, doesn’t fit in at school, thinks no-one will ever love him and is embarrassed by his parents. But, Nigel is different, his family are different. They are all vampires but not the sparkly fluffy ones we are accustomed to at present [...]

    17. Imagine being stuck in the same awkward pubescent state for one hundred years. He should be having girls fawning over his supernatural good looks and incredible strength and speed. Instead he breaks out in acne when he steps into the sun, is wimpy and his looks… well… leave something to be desired. He has to suffer through humiliating PE classes and the only friends he has are Goths. His vampire parents turned him and his little sister because they wanted to settle down with a little family [...]

    18. This book was a lot of fun. I never read any of the vampire genre which it riffs on, so I'm sure I missed some of the allusions, but I found it creative and quite captivating. Shout out to Kristal for loaning it to me!

    19. Nigel is our usual 100-year-old vampire who looks like a teenager. But he does not have to worry about his skin sparkling, instead he has got acne and rash.

    20. It's a very light and easy reading, i mean i read this in half an hour, but its really amusing and funny so if you're looking for a break i recommend it.

    21. Um dos livros que fez parte da minha adolescência. Achei a história muito melhor do que o "Diário de um banana".É um livro bastante interativo e divertido de ler.

    22. Nigel is a pretty average English teenagermpire. His "parents" turned him many years ago and existence is just not that great. He goes to school but doesn't fit in. At home he's the only one without vampire strength or speed. Then Chloe, a new student, appears and suddenly, life is worth living. She is his reason for being, not that she'd ever know. When she does realize he's around, the only reason she likes him is because he's a vampire. Family dynamics aside, Nigel is definitely learning how [...]

    23. Review from my 3rd grader: this book was great and funny and I liked how Tim Collins made paranormal stuff seem like it was fake in his book. The best part was when he discovered his powers of a vampire it was a cool book and very descriptive like when it said I tried bending the railing next to it, and it gave like tinfoil.

    24. Este livro foi tão bom para descontrair! O Nigel é um trengo, fez-me rir tantas vezes, adorei mesmo, só aqueles poemas mataram-me completamente, recomendo a todos os leitores que estão numa ressaca literária ou estão numa fase de não lhes apetecer ler "calhamaços" esta série é do melhor ahahah.

    25. it's every kids' nightmare: eternal puberty! Loved Nigel and his flaws. His relationships with his vampire family and the human world are as authentic as possible (given that it's fiction!) Read it twice I was so entertained!

    26. Drags a bit in some places but is quite entertaining. I am swithering about reading more in the series but would if i was stuck for something to read. (I am an adult and don't know anyone else who has read it so not sure what younger peeps think)

    27. i read this book when i was a pre-teen; i can still remember all the laughs that me and my friend grace shared after we bought it at the same time whilst on holiday. light-hearted and enjoyable.

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